Best quotes by Dick Van Dyke

My favorite unknown movie is 'The Comic.'

I know friends of mine who have never changed their mind about anything in their lives, despite evidence from all directions. And I think if you can keep an open mind and some understanding, that helps you stay young.

There are tribes all over the world who sing and dance every day as part of their lives. And we oughta do that.

I sing all day. And it's good for you. Good for your vocal cords.

Everybody knows that I'm shorter, but it doesn't bother me at all.

The most important thing for old guys is never start going down the stairs sideways.

I was the worst game show host that ever lived, and I knew it.

Everything's getting homogenized. It seems to me like music and behavior and everything else is getting homogenized.

I watch 'Al Jazeera.' They have news that you can't find anywhere else. They do great documentaries, too.

[My mother] once cooked a ham and later found it in my father's shirt drawer. I am not kidding.

When I was a kid, I had ambitions for being a television announcer, which was before television took off, you know, in the late 40s. And just through necessity, going out looking for work, I was starting to sing, and dance, and act, and I never expected to do that, nor to have any success at it at least.

I think it's being thrown at the wolves, we call it in our business.

I sing and dance. That's my job.

I've had a lot of writers, in particular, who said they got into writing because of the 'Van Dyke Show.' They said it looked like fun.

I grew up in Danville, Illinois, right in the middle of the state.

They did ask me to do 'Dancing With The Stars;' I said I can do one show, but on that show you have to come up with a new number every week, and I told them that I think I'm a little past that stage.

I have four children and I have seven grandkids.

I never made a good movie.

I married somebody half my age, and everybody thought I was crazy, but she is just an absolute angel.

I played a killer twice. Once on 'Matlock,' on Andy Griffith's show, I got to play the killer.

My wife, as proud as she was of me, hated show business for good reasons. There was something about the spouse always being pushed out of the way, shoved aside. She wanted to get away from it.

I was the class clown, you know, that kind of thing, and I gathered around me a group of guys who also were silly. I was in all the plays and everything. But I don't know, at that time show businesses looked like the moon, you know, it was so far away. I wanted to be a radio announcer.

I'm not a loner. I have to have a life partner.

I'm always announcing my retirement. I'm still not retired.

I loved to fall down.

So as my kids will tell you, they had a pretty normal life.

There's a lot of very funny people I'd love to work with that I've never met, of course. I love Steve Martin and Jim Carrey.

When I auditioned for 'Bye Bye Birdie' on Broadway, Gower Champion said, 'You've got the job!' I said, 'Mr. Champion, I can't dance.' He said, 'We'll teach you what you need to know.'

We had all week to rehearse. An audience would come in at the end of the week and we'd our little show. Most of the ad- libbing happened during the week on the show.

I asked Fred Astaire once when he was about my age if he still danced, and he said 'Yes, but it hurts now.' That's exactly it. I can still dance too, but it hurts now!

Oh, I had an idea for a pilot of my own at the time, and then Carl sent me about eight scripts and simply I threw my idea out the window because the writing was just so good.

No, I did night clubs right here in Los Angeles. My partner, Phil Erickson, put me in the business, a guy from my home town, a dear friend who we just lost a couple of months ago.

My son Barry, of course, has been on from the beginning. And his son Shane is playing now a med student regularly on the show. And at one point or another, I've had all four of his kids on the show.

I've always been a bit of an orphan, because actors say, 'Well, he's more of a dancer.' And dancers say, 'No. He's really a singer.' And singers say, 'No. He's an actor.'

I was a 'Laurel and Hardy' nut. I got to know Laurel at the end of his life, and it was a great thrill for me. He left me his bow tie and derby and told me that if they ever made a movie about him, he'd want me to play him.

Rob Petrie is who I really am - in personality and general ineffectiveness.

Oh, well, my first love is comedy or singing and dancing.

I was always in show business but in many ways was not really of show business. I didn't move in show business circles, particularly, still don't do it.

I do miss the rhythms of comedy. And I've never been able to perform very well without an audience. The sitcoms I've done had them. It was like doing a little play.

I never wanted to be an actor and to this day I don`t. I can`t get a handle on it. An actor wants to become someone else. I am a song-and-dance man and I enjoy being myself, which is all I can do.

Stan said he used to keep Hardy late, make him miss his golf game, and really get him mad.

My kids are so much better parent than I was.

I'm really in retirement. My career is over. I'm just playing now and having a great time. I like to keep busy, and I'm doing what's fun for me.

I've won several Emmys, a Tony and a Grammy so maybe somebody will let me have an Oscar, and then I'll have a full set.

Life is like a box of chocolates, I'm a nerd and I read books

I have also heard and read various accounts of why they [Sheldon Leonard and Carl Reiner] liked me. My favorites? I wasn't too good-looking, I walked a little funny, and I was basically kind of average and ordinary. I guess my lack of perfection turned out to be a winning hand. Let that be a lesson for future generations.

In the best of all worlds, the producers would take some responsibility for the kinds of things they're putting out. Unfortunately, they don't.

I think the saddest moment in my life just happened two months ago. My old nightclub partner passed away, Phil Erickson down in Atlanta. He - I owe him everything. He put me in the business and taught me about everything I know.

I'm not quite as much of a curmudgeon being old. I'm not cantankerous. But otherwise, I'm about the same.

We used to get 27, 28 minutes to do a story in, and now they're lucky if they get 18 or 20 minutes. So I don't think they can really do a beginning, a middle, and an end anymore. There's an awful lot of one-line jokes; almost every line is a punchline. It's not the same, but there's still good comedy around.

My work is just a hobby. No, I wouldn't want to do it professionally. It's too hard. Deadlines are no fun. But I can sit and tweak all night and not worry about time.

I went public with the alcoholism, very early on... the early '70s. Mercedes McCambridge, the actress, I think was the first recognizable person that went before Congress and talked about it, and I thought that was a good idea, to take some of the stigma away from it and say "Normal, average people can fall prey to it." So it's been public for me. I did a movie about an alcoholic. And today, you're nobody unless you've been to rehab. It seems like everybody has some kind of an addiction.

We spent a lot of time together and had a great time with Mary Tyler Moore. And just working with her was like improv.

I've met presidents, but I've never performed for one. I said it was the first time in 50 years I actually had butterflies. You know, the Obamas were sitting out there, the Supreme Court, Maya Angelou, and Desmond Tutu for God's sake, all in the front row.

All of us involved say 'The Dick Van Dyke Show' was the best five years of our lives. We were like otters at play.

Carl Reiner particularly as a writer, a terrific writer. He's just turning out things.

But I wish they would make a musical of some kind. I miss musicals so much. You don't see them anymore.

I could probably play an alcoholic. I've had some experience with that.

But once we got on the air, everybody except Morey Amsterdam pretty much stuck to the script.

I found doing that kind of comedy without an audience is just... for me, it's almost impossible. You need the audience to do their half of the work.

I did a guest shot on a comedy series where they did 20 to 30 takes of everything. It's just gone by then. The joke is over. It's not funny anymore, and then of course, the editor's the one that has to figure out the timing. I think a lot depends on that.

I think there's kind of a wave of nostalgia going on right at the moment. You know, people recall an earlier time, which they see as a better time. And I think we just kind of evoke good thoughts when they look at us. That's the feeling I get.

Longevity in my family's been pretty good. And my grandparents were pretty spry at their age, so I figured I'd probably stay skinny and fairly agile. I used to do old men all the time in sketches. And there used to be an organization called the Gray Panthers. And they would send me, oh, terrible letters about making fun of old people. And I would just always say, "I'm playing the old person I intend to become!"

Today, if you're not an alcoholic, you're nobody.

Otherwise, everything got better and better, just one surprise after another. And that's why I wrote the book about a matter of being in the right place at the right time, and just luck.

I think the biggest mistake - I was always a big fan of Cary Grant, and he asked me to do a movie with him, playing the second lead, and I didn't do it. And to this day, I can't remember why. But I could've said I worked with Cary Grant, but I turned him down. That was probably the biggest mistake I ever made.

I've retired so many times now it's getting to be a habit.

Today, with the subject matter that's around politically, and internationally and everything, I think Carl Reiner would have a ball. I think the format should stay the same. I'd sure love to see him dealing with it today.

I would love to see Carl Reiner working in the arena today. He did some marvelous things on our show in the early '60s when it was a little edgy. We did shows about blacks, a couple, three of those. Some thought-provoking stuff.

I wouldn't mind taking a chance at Real Time, I've always thought if I could pick my interviewer, it'd be Charlie Rose, who I think is the best.

I think both of those: the subject matter, pop culture... the talent, I don't think... there's no Jim Belushi in Saturday Night Live, for me. And probably, you know, possibly the material. They've done everything over the years.

10 years ago, I would've host Saturday Night Live. But to me, the show has declined. For some reason, humor isn't what it was. It just, to me, it's not as funny as it was, not as sharply satirical.

I just think everyone needs their own private space.

Do you know that I was the anchor on the 'CBS Morning Show?' And my newsman was Walter Cronkite.

I get little kids who recognize me from 'Mary Poppins,' and it just delights me because it's our third generation.